tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post1845139992282420289..comments2023-07-21T11:15:48.337-04:00Comments on 3 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed: My defensiveness and why we chose International AdoptionUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-81385336834499223912010-12-26T18:53:42.185-05:002010-12-26T18:53:42.185-05:00yep yep. i hear ya and we've been there too. i...yep yep. i hear ya and we've been there too. it's quite frustrating to feel the need to defend our decisions or justify them to others. if all those folks are so concerned about the kids here in the u.s., why aren't they out there adopting them? (evidently they think the responsibility of children in foster care is best left to the reproductively challenged...but i digress) many seem to ask these questions because they are interested, but those few that ask the pointed questions, as if they are informing us about something we didn't know (there are kids in the US that need families??? what???) are the ones that chap my hide. excellent post and thanks for the shout out!Pixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17742248761172865856noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-63784465831795946242010-12-23T16:58:13.212-05:002010-12-23T16:58:13.212-05:00Great post! ....I can totally relate. I have had t...Great post! ....I can totally relate. I have had the same question asked more than once. I like to smile nicely and turn the question around....something along the lines of "We chose S. Korea this time but, may adopt again. We are not sure which route we will go. Please tell me what you know about Foster Care and Domestic Adoption?"Jessica Jhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05507278830715131262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-60158875805068930692010-12-22T14:29:22.444-05:002010-12-22T14:29:22.444-05:00My heart goes out to you. We adopted both our gir...My heart goes out to you. We adopted both our girls through foster care but that was our choice. We explored overseas adoption and decided it wasn't for us. It really upsets me when either choice is questioned. I've had people say to me that enough American kids are adopted, why not adopt from overseas?<br /><br />My answers usually depend on the attitude of the person asking. If they are curious and polite I usually answer them honestly and encourage the conversation, I LOVE to be an advocate for adoption.<br /><br />However, then there are THOSE people... the ones who are not asking nicely. And I usually have something not so nice to say back to them... in my head. It rarely makes it out of my mouth, but I'm working on sticking up for myself more. I subscribed to "Adoptive Families" magazine and they sent me a great .pdf file on adoption language and answering the hard questions from people who say the stupidest things.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-63496558609344922672010-12-22T11:00:40.937-05:002010-12-22T11:00:40.937-05:00I completely understand where you are coming from....I completely understand where you are coming from. I love talking about our adoptions and I try to keep in mind that people are less educated about the issue then we are and therefore may unintentionally say rude or hurtful things. However, it really bugs me when people feel they have a right to judge our decisions and expect us to justify our motives and choices.Kristenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06368344688034538089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-84717644371465579522010-12-21T17:26:03.473-05:002010-12-21T17:26:03.473-05:00So glad you posted this here! We have the same qu...So glad you posted this here! We have the same questions and deal with the same things (why Korea?) and the never ending guilt that folks try and put on you for not adopting "in your own backyard". Not to bust their bubble, but an orphan is an orphan. It doesn't make any difference if they are from America, Korea, Africa or any other place in this world. They all need homes. I think it's good to a certain extent to explain this to folks for education purposes and to try and breakdown this prejudice, but it's hard not to get defensive for sure!BrandiBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12014157633972260183noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-69507028898590191492010-12-21T15:16:39.605-05:002010-12-21T15:16:39.605-05:00I totally am with you 101% I have even had one lov...I totally am with you 101% I have even had one lovely person ask "what will you do if you get a referral and she is really homely?" Yikes!! People are just silly. I try to put myself in their shoes in order to not get too upset. Sometimes I probably ask really dumb questions about things I have no knowledge of. But still, I get my defense on QUITE often. It's hard not to!!Brookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02449367455504921952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-1541014832756701182010-12-21T09:45:52.513-05:002010-12-21T09:45:52.513-05:00Great post! I am guilty of asking "why (inser...Great post! I am guilty of asking "why (insert country here)?" But then again I love learning about different cultures (I'm 1/4 Japanese but my Aparents never taught me about that culture) I will def go read your post about why you choose South KoreaNicolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16007227360265481331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-64986929256898787492010-12-20T22:51:58.208-05:002010-12-20T22:51:58.208-05:00I loved this post. Vent away my friend, vent away!...I loved this post. Vent away my friend, vent away! You're adopting internationally and get the - why didn't you go domestic route. During our two failed domestic matches, I can't tell you how many people asked us why we didn't switch to international and specifically adopt from China. They'd get pretty pushy about it too. I never wanted to debate it, but people sometimes act like they don't want to stop talking about it until they change your mind. I think ultimately it comes from a place where they think they're solving your problem of a long wait, but it can be frustrating. Thank you for talking about this!Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05494378990871466147noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-85826768684167152042010-12-20T22:43:32.978-05:002010-12-20T22:43:32.978-05:00Thank you for posting this! One of my first conver...Thank you for posting this! One of my first conversations I had after we decided to adopt was when I called the doctor's office to have our medical checkups and the lady on the other end, said after finding out that we were adopting internationally, "My son is adopting through foster care. I guess they just really care about the kids here." I was like, "oh man, it's already started." Thanks for your insight. It's good to know there are others out there going through the same thing!Monicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14556535345810431032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-16275712525327377612010-12-20T21:56:03.332-05:002010-12-20T21:56:03.332-05:00Hugs! I have gotten some wierd reactions to us ad...Hugs! I have gotten some wierd reactions to us adopting. Isn't that really expensive? Is the most recent comment from a new hairdresser. I got kinda defensive and said yes, but she is totally worth it. I hate it that it is usually a first comment about adoption. Sigh. I think it Is natural to have a hard time not being defensive when there are so many uneducated people.Elisabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11445335657900834577noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-48042399432274584292010-12-20T19:03:51.972-05:002010-12-20T19:03:51.972-05:00I could not agree more! All we hear are questions ...I could not agree more! All we hear are questions about why we don't have out own child...because we are chosing to adopt. Done. Finished. End of the story. It's our personal choice as two married adults to grow our family through adoption - no one asks a pregnant woman why her and her husband chose NOT to adopt. So why does everyone ask adopting mama's why they don't/can't have their own...or try to tell them what country or how to do it. And - like you said - the WORST part is that the one's doing the telling haven't even considered it for themselves.The Annessa Familyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11929967116411498173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-66793496733760975272010-12-20T18:08:32.205-05:002010-12-20T18:08:32.205-05:00We adopted through foster care and will be again (...We adopted through foster care and will be again (after the baby's citizenship is worked out). We have fostered 4 girls that we think of often. I still miss our Blondie. <br /><br />We have noticed problems with our 3-yr-old watching kids move in and then out. He even prayed months later for a baby we had only 4 days. Foster care is not for the tender-hearted. <br /><br />Bless you for saving an orphan!<br />We would love for you to join our Adoption Blog Hop!<br />http://foster2forever.blogspot.comPenelopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12189608681287603165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-88837812754068817112010-12-20T16:21:48.812-05:002010-12-20T16:21:48.812-05:00I definitely understand, but I go through phases w...I definitely understand, but I go through phases where I don't mind answering way-too-personal questions in the hopes of educating people. But when people start to challenge your life choices, it gets really annoying. I remember when we had our whole health insurance debacle when Olive came home, I made the mistake of reading the comments on the news story when it was published online. And some idiot went into this tirade about what horrible people we were for adopting outside of the country and seemed to think that we deserved to have insurance struggles b/c our child wasn't American. The nerve! I think the thing that I'll never get used to as an AP is the people who feel entitled to probe so deeply into our private life just because I look differently than my children. I'm ALWAYS proud of my beautiful, sweet little girls, and I carry my head high when we are in public, but sometimes it would be nice to just blend in instead of always being an ambassador of the IA world...Elizabeth Frickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04369568911391997731noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7617028579540588515.post-54109512418583001462010-12-20T15:44:42.275-05:002010-12-20T15:44:42.275-05:00All of us APs have faced these questions too. We ...All of us APs have faced these questions too. We explored and decided against foster adoption for the exact reasons you listed. If, for some remote reason, we decide to grow our family again in a number of years, I think we will return to that avenue, as our children will be older, but every family has their own reasons and others should respect that. The problem is, even good, nice people are ignorant--meaning they really have no idea about a lot of aspects of adoption.....leaving it to us to educate them. FUN!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com