Monday, March 28, 2011

Revelation: Timing

OK, last time I said I had a revelation recently that I wanted to share. It has to do with timing. It may seem like common sense but apparently I needed the sense knocked into me!

I've been looking at our adoption timeline and I've had in mind how it should work. The best (in my opinion) timing for our family for the immediate future. There are things going on this summer that would make my timing much better than than other timing. At least I think so. Then a funny thing happened....I realized....the IMMEDIATE future is so much smaller than our WHOLE lives as a family! (Duh! Common Sense!!!)

I started thinking about more than just the next few months and realized that exact timing may or may not be a bit of a hassle but in the long run it won't matter.

I also realized that God's perfect timing in the past didn't always seem perfect at the time. A BIG example of this just dawned on my husband and I this weekend:

I don't think, if I had known the future and had control over it, I would have chosen to be pregnant, have a baby and enjoy my child's first 4 months with my husband in Iraq. This timing seems slightly absurd! Afterwards we always have said that a LOT of good came out of that, which is true. I could go on and on about how close we grew as a couple and what an AMAZING Daddy Brian is (which may not have anything to do with the deployment but the way he dove right in to Daddy-hood the moment he stepped off that plane was amazing!).

BUT we realized something much bigger. We were talking about his deployment and pregnancy and suddenly it hit me - I said "Honey, if you had been home during my pregnancy with B....would we have E?

Silence. Then "No, probably not."

I was ready to move to adoption with B's pregnancy but Brian wanted to experience it (did he ever regret that while I was pregnant, but he was thrilled to have his little girl).

WOW! Does God know what He's doing or what? It wasn't my timing but His perfect timing. He knew not to have Brian home, He knew we'd move to adoption but He wanted us to wait. He brought E into our lives first. Now it's time. Soon we will know the child that He has prepared our family for. Not just for the past 16 1/2 months, but for years! His timing isn't only concerning the next few months and how convenient that will be, but for the life of our family! So much bigger than how I was thinking.

This was quite the revelation!

Check out this post about Russian judges not allowing the adoption of a child because the child has Down's Syndrome:
Absolutely absurd and heartbreaking!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

My Kids' Future Careers

E's preschool is currently doing Community Helpers week and with that they're discussing careers (and having people come in to talk about their careers - but I didn't think they needed someone to come tell them what a teacher does so I'm not one of the volunteers). The kids often tell me what they want to be when the grow up (and it frequently changes) but I also have ideas of what I think they'll be (also changes, but a bit more consistent) based on their strengths.

B is very strong at math and spacial awareness (except awareness of his own body - but that's a completely different skill). He won an award in the 1st grade for his math skills, and he's always been great at puzzles. He's amazing at building things. Give that child Legos or some such thing and he can build it! He follows the directions very well, but after the first time he likes to change things up and create a bit differently. My in-laws have TONS of Legos and he will sit in the middle of a bunch of Legos and create all kinds of things. When my FIL or BIL or husband are helping he makes the coolest castles and creations! I'm so impressed (he did not inherit this skill from me!). So I think he'll be an architect or engineer!

Of course he's mentioned construction worker, fire fighter, NFL player (sorry honey- NOT happening), and soldier (like Daddy). So maybe the Army Corps of Engineers is in his future?
Of course my boy is also an avid reader and would probably do well taking after his Paika with writing stories, but right now he doesn't love writing (too much work) so we'll have to wait and see.

E is a people person. She is my social butterfly with a HUGE heart! Her preschool teacher told me at the parent-teacher conference that E is very compassionate towards the other children - more so than most 4 year olds (my blog, I get to brag a bit) so I know this is a huge strength of hers. This morning she was (yet again) singing one of her songs and I realized her calling - she's going to write lyrics for Christian artists! She makes up adorable songs and they always include God and Jesus loving everyone. Now they definitely ramble a bit, but for 4, I'm impressed (yes, yes, I'm a TAD bit biased about my child's brilliance). OK, she's not as easy to nail down as B, to be honest. But I'm sure it will involve that huge heart of hers!

Her current desire is to be a veterinarian. She loves animals. She really enjoyed our current trip to the zoo and I think it inspired her. Brian is excited because he used to want to be a vet when he was young. Her Aunt S would also be proud since she is a vet!

Just wanted to share where my kids are at and some of my random thoughts. No adoption news to share. Gave up waiting so we're just hanging out and will let you know if there's news. Feel hopeful but not anticipatory which is fairly amazing! Thank you God! I'll share my revelation on this soon.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Greater than Hope and 16 months

Hope continues. I will hope until that hope is fulfilled. But even greater than hope, is love.

The love I have for our child even though I don't know who this child is.

There's also the love from family and friends that is sometimes so wonderful and overwhelming that it brings tears to my eyes.

The love I have for these wonderful people in our lives.

Love is a gift and I am so thankful for that! "And now these three remain, faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Cor 13:13

It's been 16 months since we started this crazy journey and the wait was really starting to get to me. So yesterday, after an emotional roller coaster of a day, I decided to give up waiting for lent (yes, I'm a week late, I'm not Catholic so it's not something I feel compelled to do unless I have a good thing to give up). I think it will be healthy for me and good for our family. ;)

I'm not giving up hope, just the anxiety of waiting. Hopefully in that time we'll get a referral and that would be fantastic! If not, then we'll be much closer by the time Easter is here. My anxiety isn't going to make it happen any faster. I have no control, so I'm putting my faith in the One who does, and trusting His perfect timing!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Is there such a thing as too much hope?

I'm starting to anticipate Monday and Tuesday. Knowing that referrals only come in on two days is different. There is a lot of pressure on two days now. I put a lot of hope in two days. Honestly, I think I do better the rest of the week not spending each day waiting! But it definitely makes for 2 days where I am distracted, unable to focus on anything else, frustrated, dreaming, wondering why the phone isn't ringing, and majorly disappointed Tuesday afternoon. I'm trying to stop anticipating it so much. I'm trying to prepare myself for no news.

But then again - what is life without hope?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Joy of 8 months...

OK, I've hit 8 months. That means we're close! Right?!?!
Some happy things to share today:

1. Ella is helping me clean the house, singing "I love cleaning, I love cleaning! I'm a cleaning Princess!" Sure- you can be a cleaning princess if you're willing to help me clean!

2. On the way to bring B to school (today - at the 8 month mark which they know nothing about) we were listening to music and all of a sudden E sighed and said "When is our baby coming?!?" "Next week?" - ah, no. We discussed the timeline just enough for me to say that it could be a couple of weeks after our trip in May or a couple of months, we don't know. Then B piped up "I hope it's just a couple of weeks!" (me too, Buddy, me too) - his excitement to have his brother or sister home was apparent in his voice. He doesn't talk about it much but when he does it warms my soul! Hearing my two angels talk about their brother or sister is music to my ears! They are (almost) as excited as I am!

3. I have a sense of peace today that I didn't expect. Praise God! I am hopeful but not anxious. Hurray! Ask me in a week and I can't guarantee the same response...

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Happy Day!

Since all of you were so encouraging during my frustrating Monday I thought I'd share a bit of happiness today! :) We went to a Waiting Parents' Meeting last night which was encouraging. We did find out that almost all referrals for our agency are coming on Mondays and Tuesdays so I can contain my craziness to two days. Today is a wonderful, non-waiting day. I think it's good for me to let it go for the week! :)

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss! E had green eggs and ham at preschool. Her teacher said she's a good eater and had 2nds. :) That's my girl! B is my picky eater and would not have been excited about it, but E loves all kinds of food. She even had a few bites of the DELICIOUS Korean food we had yesterday with Grace and Carson! It was a bit too spicy for her but she did have another bite and said that it's good even though it's spicy. :)

Kind of a random assortment of thoughts. I can tell that my mood is very much affected by weather and the sun is shining bright today! What a happy day!

Congrats to everyone who has received TCs, referrals, approvals, or sent HSTK! Lots of movement going on - what a blessing!