Monday, February 28, 2011


I think Mondays are the hardest right now. Fridays are tough because you're approaching a "no news" time but then you spend so much timing anticipating Monday that you build it up. And for no real reason, it's just another day. You just have more time to anticipate it and then when there's no news on Monday I cry. The rest of the week I do a lot better with no news, Mondays I cry - for 3 weeks in a row (OK, last week it was Tuesday b/c Monday was a holiday).

Sorry this isn't a very uplifting post. I'm so happy for so many of you, I'm just having a tough day.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Jumping for Joy for Jenny!

OK, I have followed my friend, Jenny's blog for a long time. She waited a LONG 8ish (sorry, couldn't remember exact numbers) months for a referral for a beautiful baby boy in Ethiopia. Then they had to wait a few months to travel and meet their son. THEN they had to come home without him! Torture! FINALLY, today he is in their arms! Jai is with his Mommy and Daddy. Go check out their post. I had tears in my eyes when I saw the title! Hurray!
I just had to share!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Keeping occupied!

I'm still waiting and I haven't had a ton to write lately. I should write about Ella's USA day (it was today and adorable) and Ben's award (I need to brag on my boy) and life in general. But I haven't been terribly motivated. Maybe this weekend.

I have been keeping a bit busier. My kids' closet is almost cleaned out! I've been going through baby clothes, getting rid of too small or not cute enough to keep clothes. Keeping girls and boys separate (actually boy clothing is actually in the dresser, girl clothes in tubs to *likely* be donated - if I have to switch it around later, that's fine).

I got to see Sandra and "Little" Ben this week (E's name for Ben) and did some shopping (and eating) at Hmart. Also I made Kimbap for dinner one night and Japchae is set to be made (for the first time) tomorrow. Forgive my romanization - I'm never entirely sure how to spell Korean words that way.

I also saw my friend M and we're getting together next week as well. We've been friends since college but we're finally getting a bit better at taking advantage of living so close to each other. She volunteered to help take my mind off of the wait on her days off or days when she has a more flexible schedule. :)

Today I also bought a diaper bag. I've failed at not buying anything before referral but this is something I want for some upcoming travel we have anyway so it's not strictly baby related - just mostly. :) I have to say I really enjoy having the high chair sitting in our kitchen/dining area. It makes me smile at least once a day and makes the adoption feel just a bit more real.

Continuing to pray for God's perfect timing. Continuing to hope that His perfect timing is SOON!

Monday, February 21, 2011

You all rock!

Have I told you that before? Because you do. I'm going just a little crazy at this point, though I have complete faith in God's timing and I know I will be glad for this wait eventually. But I would be a WHOLE LOT CRAZIER without all of you!

H - you know this, I tell you often, I don't know what I'd do at all, adoption process or not, without you! Thank you for not getting frustrated by my current lack of focus on anything except the referral call, timing, traveling, etc!

Kelly Y - Again, I am just so thankful that this adoption journey has brought us together and made us friends! What an unexpected blessing!

My friends that are my "support group" on facebook - I love you girls and that has definitely helped me sanity! I look forward to the day when we can get our kids together to play!

Sandra and Grace - thank you! Thanks for getting together and being such an amazing source of support. Sandra, I can't tell you how much you have put my mind at ease or helped me keep my sanity many times.

My friends here who have left amazing, uplifting, and helpful comments - I can't thank all of you enough! You all have been such an amazing sense of support and I can't thank you enough!

My other IRL friends - thank you for supporting me and putting up with my insanity and lack of focus right now. Praying I can get a bit of that back soon.

My family - I can't ever thank them enough. I don't really have words for my amazing family and I love all of you (immediate and our HUGE extended family that is just fantastic!). Can't wait for M and T (<--can't wait to meet them!!!), G, K and D to all have a new little one to play with. Thanks for your amazing support.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Too much Thinking!

I remember when we started out on this process. I'd read blogs about people who were close to referral and they'd talk about dreading the weekend, and the roller coaster. Roller coaster ride: waking up in the morning, being excited that it could be today, at the same time thinking that it's not likely to be today, but still there's a bit of adrenaline and excitement. But each day I reach about 11:30 and give it up for the day. There's a bit of disappointment that it won't be that day. Sometimes it's more than just a bit of disappointment... By evening you start looking forward to the next day. Friday evenings you're a bit sad - you don't want to have to wait all weekend in order to have that possibility of good news. At the same time you're a bit exhausted from the anticipation and welcome the break. BUT a long weekend (when your husband has class all weekend and isn't around which is usually the wonderful part about weekends) is a special kind of torture. When I read these blogs, I sort of understood but sort of thought the people were a bit crazy. I'm crazy!!!

I am currently lacking much motivation and struggling to stay focused on other things. I want to see a picture of my baby. I want to know who (s)he is. I want to stop writing he or she (even though I know it's likely he I still do this b/c only God knows for sure). I want to start preparing in the fun ways - not just cleaning. I want to have an IDEA of when we'll travel and not worry about it. I want to know how the referral process will play out and not be stress about whether Brian will be around when we get our referral or how quickly he'll be able to get in so we can see our child. How quickly can I arrange care for the kids? I want to drop everything and go now!

OK - these are my desires. These are the desires of my heart and I pray about them. But I also know that there is a baby who does not desire to be with me. A baby who is being well taken care of and who isn't quite ready to be home with us. There is one baby meant for our family and I can't rush that and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I have to trust in God's perfect timing. I KNOW that God's timing is better than mine. That as I look back at my life I can see where God was in control and that His timing and His way of doing things has been amazing! It has brought us here. There is not one single area that I can say "Oh, I really wish it had been....". There are hard times but God brought good out of it and His glory shines because of it. So I trust in this timing and that He will send the child He wants in our family to us in His perfect timing.

Thanks for listening to my rambling and unloading. I am so thankful for all of you who take the time to read this and who have been such a source of support!!! Thank you!

Now a celebration!!! Jenny is going to get her little boy next week!!! He'll finally be home with his family forever and will know what it's like to have a Mommy and a Daddy. I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about this!!! It is time!!! Congrats Jenny!

Monday, February 14, 2011

What did I do this weekend?!?

I bought my first item for the baby!!! No referral yet but we're hoping soon. I'd originally said I wasn't buying anything until referral but I started thinking a bit more practically...only 2-3 months between referral and travel with LOTS to do. There are certain large-ish items that I wanted to look for on Craigslist so I needed to start browsing and jump when the opportunity arises. So....we bought a highchair! Nothing too exciting. It's fairly kid-looking, regular high chair but it met my criteria:
1. A wipe-off seat. I had both a wipe-off and a machine wash and I wanted to machine wash it every day! Not very practical for us. Probably part of my problem is that it was a replacement seat and I never thought it fit quite right either, but I just didn't like it. I'm happy to go back to the wipe clean variety.

2. A tray insert that pops off the tray and can go in the dishwasher. Big bulky trays don't fit well in the sink so I'm VERY excited about this feature! I've only used this at a friend's house and now we'll have that luxury of putting the insert into the dishwasher (or even having the insert fit well into the sink!).

Grrr! The picture I had didn't save to my desktop only snapfish. I'll have to take another and post it later. It's the Fisher-Price Rainforest one but the funny picture is one of B and E playing with the toy that is attached! Don't know if it's entertaining to a 1 year old but my 4 and 7 year old can't keep their hands off it right now. ;)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

7 months...

It's been 7 months since HSTK! There was definitely a time when I didn't think we'd wait this long at all. There was also a time when I would have been THRILLED to even be considering a referral around now. So I'm sticking with thrilled. So happy that there's a good chance it could be SOON! It may be another month, month and a half and I'm totally OK with that. It could be a lot longer, but it doesn't seem like it from the way SWS is moving (hoping not). So thankful that it could be coming up. Resting in God's perfect timing!

The hard part for me right now is trying not to think about it. I'm no longer anxious, but I still think about it every time my phone rings (but please don't stop calling me!). I still think about it when I wake up in the morning - today could be the day we learn about our child. It's on my mind all the time. It's hard to change that. It can also make time drag to think about it all the time (a watched pot and all that). So trying to concentrate on other things.

Fortunately today I had an AWESOME distraction! I got to watch my friend's girls (and E got a playdate) while she went to be fingerprinted (again - darn USCIS - prayers that this time everything is good)! Then we spent a lot of the day together! I am so thankful for this friendship that only came about due to adoption! Wow! And the fact that our girls have become such good friends - here's hoping our youngest children (likely boys) will be too! ;) Thank you K for such a wonderful day!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Got Love?

Check out Kelly's blog - the Minus 1 Project - and see the fun new t-shirts and awesome travel mugs that her family is selling to fund their adoption. Kelly is such an amazing person and she knows I've been wanting to purchase many of the things on her blog (struggling with cute things - also check out the tutus - and my lack of desire to spend money. Quite a struggle!).

Thursday, February 3, 2011

새해 복 많이 받으세요! - Happy Lunar New Year!

I'm thinking of our child today. I don't know who our child is yet, but God does. And I'm guessing that our child is celebrating the Lunar New Year with his/her Foster Family. I wonder if they're traveling to see relatives? Is our child wearing a hanbok? How about our child's birth parents? Are they able to enjoy the celebrations this year? Are they thinking about our child? I pray that they feel a sense of peace. I pray for them frequently.

I'm bringing B and E to a Lunar New Year celebration near here and meeting up with Grace, Sandra, and Kala this weekend (which means I get to see Carson, "Little" Ben (as E calls him), and Matthew!!!). My friend, G is bringing her kids so hopefully I'll get to see her and I think Becky may be checking in with us too! I am so blessed by the friends I have made through this process. Having this to look forward to this weekend has really helped me through a week when I knew there wouldn't be any news. Korea practically shuts down for 3 days during the Lunar New Year.

Fortunately, I'm also at peace with waiting. I was feeling a bit anxious, but now I really feel like it's OK if it's another month or so. It will all happen in God's perfect timing. I'm at a point where I'm excited but I can wait until then. ;) Enjoy the entrance into the Year of the Rabbit!