Wednesday, May 2, 2012

EPs and a Story

Praise God - EPs have been approved!!! :)  Now a story...

About 6 years ago we dropped off my husband and he got onto a bus that drove away.  We waved and I had tears in my eyes.  14 month old B had no idea what was going on.  He waved and was a bit upset that Mommy was upset, but he didn't realize he wasn't going to see Daddy again in a few days, this was to be (another) year long deployment.  A few days later we moved out of our apartment and in with my best friend and her two kids (note that we spent pretty much every work day together so this was a very familiar and safe place to B with people he LOVES).   A few days after all of this transpired, I saw a change in my boy.  He wasn't the happy baby he'd always been.  He was clingy, cried more, not has bubbly and my awesome sleeper wasn't sleeping well.  My friend told me that she didn't realize 1 year olds could get depressed.  It was so sad.   He really struggled with Daddy being gone (that was the hardest) and with moving (even though it was somewhere he loved to be).  For the first month - 6 weeks of my husband's deployment my baby boy had a really hard time. 

We are celebrating today that Exit Permits were approved!  Yahoo!  This is fantastic news!!! 
But Suhbin isn't celebrating.  He doesn't know that it happened and he's not fully aware of the changes ahead.  He is going to be ripped from all of the family that he knows, all the familiar places, smells, sights, sounds.  He is going to be with people who speak a different language, eat different food, and there will be next to nothing familiar.
So while B's story was heartbreaking - my poor 1 year old boy had a really tough time.  S's is so much harder!  B still had Mommy and friends and a lot of familiar places.  S will have almost nothing familiar.

 Because of this transition Brian and I will be meeting all of Subhin's needs.  Only the two of us will change, feed, bath, dress, and comfort him.  He will not go to child care at church or PWOC or MOPS for quite a while.  We may or may not allow only a select few people to hold him at first (basically family).   Some children come home not able to understand who the parents are and they go "parent shopping" (meaning they are willing to go to anyone).  While this is not unusual it is actually not healthy for attachment, and if this is the case then only we will be able to hold him in any way.  I will probably be carrying him around in a carrier most of the time that we're out.  We probably won't be out as much for the first couple of weeks.  We need to teach S that we are his parents.  Often children who have this kind of rough transition either struggle to attach at first or "parent shop" - wondering who he'll go off with next.  We want him to learn that we are permanent.  The adjustment will be slow but there will probably be great strides after a couple of weeks, then each month.  After a bit we'll ease up but right now this is the plan. 

Thanks for understanding!  We are so thankful for all of the amazing support everyone has shown us!  We are so blessed!  We will be inviting anyone local who wants to to welcome Suhbin home at the airport in Tucson.  :)  More details once we know them!!! :)


  1. I need to ask how you know the EPs were approved? We are also an SWS family and we are pretty sure an EP was submitted for our daughter in April. We are waiting on pins and needles!

  2. Hey! Thank you for praying with me this morning, I will continue to pray for you and your family.

  3. Congratulations! I've been following your blog for a while as we also adopted internationally. We majorly focused on bonding with our little one too, as I agree it must be quite hard on them and they need time to reform that parental bond. It took a while but he brightened up over the first while and then over the months we bonded quite well. I'm glad I was able to focus so much on our relationship and that friends and family were so understanding (for the most part). Congrat's again, so excited for your family, I hope all goes as smoothly as possible.

  4. Congratulations!!!! We will be praying for you and your hubby and kids to bond well with Suhbin and have wonderful undistracted time with him as a new family! And wow, I can't believe how perfect the Lord's timing with PWOC's summer break just starting! Not that you wouldn't have been thrilled to put a hold on PWOC for your beautiful boy, but I know the Lord used you to bless and encourage me in the Lord and praying about adoption and I am sure many others with your testimony in PWOC. Thank you for sharing what the Lord is doing in your life.
    - Olivia P.

  5. so happy and so excited for you!
    this was a great post...your time to bond is coming very VERY soon.

  6. Good post Christy. Sounds like you have understanding and supportive folks around you who understand how important this transition time is. Can't wait for the next step!